Just what I wanted…

…a little place with slanted walls and crawl spaces, just for kitty and me. A feeling of independence. A place to call my own. Motivation. I wanted to stop spending so much time staring at walls daydreaming and spend more time actually doing stuff. I knew that getting over that hump would take some force. I figured since I am a physical being, the laws of physics still apply to me: An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted on by an outside force. I didn’t want to be a schlump anymore, I wanted to be able to look back at my life and see the tangible results of my efforts…not just a messy pile of daydreams that never came to fruition.

So now I’m up at 4:00a.m. five to six days a week, working 10+ hours a day (yay overtime)!! and have about 4.5 hours a day after work to get everything I need to get done, done. I used to spend way too much money going out to lunch at previous jobs, or just buying coffee on my breaks. So I spent the three days with a caffeine withdraw headache, and now I don’t need to make time for it, or spend money on it. When I get home I make muffins, or soup, or whatever it is that I’ll need for lunch and snacks. I get out of work around 3:30-4:00p.m, which is nice because I still have daylight to get things done and run whatever errands I need to run. I am still very much tempted to just sit on my ass and watch t.v. when I get home, but I know my next day will be miserable if I don’t just roll with the motivation I have left and get my work done before play. It leaves me with about half an hour to wind down at night, and that is fine by me. I can sleep soundly after a long day, knowing that I’m doing what I need to do for now.

I don’t know how long I will last working these crazy hours, but I keep reminding myself, “this is what I wanted”. I wanted to work at this place because there was no where else around that I wanted to work at. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to have to do stuff all day so I wouldn’t just sit around wasting time. I wanted to get up earlier. I wanted to stop spending money on lunch/snacks and just make my own. I wanted to work hard. I wanted to get stronger. This is what I wanted…this is what I wanted…this is what I wanted! Now that I have it I need to remember to be in it…not just daydream my way through work, but to just be in it.

Somehow I can feel it all working out behind the scenes. The planets are aligning themselves, and I am aligning myself with them. I can feel the cosmic dance pulling me along, and now I am finally learning the steps so I can try to keep pace. If I can keep up, there is no telling where I will end up…but for now I’m just going to keep moving forward, trying to embrace each moment as it comes.








Now here



About mindofthemasses

S.G. is a creative scientist that often ponders the state of the world in sad confusion. Befuddled by how far from harmony the human race has come, she tries to make sense of it all with intuition, reason, and above all else an open mind.
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