I’ve learned a few new vocabulary words, they’ll make me feel smart and philosophical…like someone who knows what they’re talking about. I’ve learned that the most important things in life can in fact be taught in a classroom. They can be taught in a chair, they can be taught on a stair, they can be taught with eggs and cheese, they can be taught where ever you please!
I’ve learned the most about my perception of my ‘real’ self in the vast sea of moments I spend alone. I learn even more about how I really am when I am around others. In my mind I am calm, cool and collected, patiently handling every situation with grace and ease. I know just what to do, just what to say. Outside my head I’m awkward and nervous and trip over my own tongue. Inside my head I think about the eternal dance of the cosmos, the wonder that there are so, so many atoms, with all their subatomic particles, all spinning and repelling and attracting in tension and balance to keep this existence as we know it going. Inside my head I see the dualism in everything, and the geometry of nature. I see this universe as a spherical fractal that is ever expanding and collapsing back in on itself like the crust of this hot rock we sit on. Outside my head I talk about cats a lot.
I’ve learned that I have some serious avoidance issues when it comes to my philosophy class, and all my classes really. I hate to procrastinate, but I have absolutely no passion for my homework. I am utterly unimpressed with the education system, and my disappointment with it and my self has left me feeling guilty and frustrated. It has also left me with some fierce back and neck pain, which only gets worse when I actually try to sit down and get things done.
I’ve learned that I really just want the top 1% of our country to do the right thing and share the wealth that no one person could ever possibly earn. That way I can do what makes me happy, and so can they. I’ve learned that I want to live on the land, waking up early to tend to animals. I want to spend my days sewing and crafting and collecting honey. I want to look proudly on my man as he works across the fields. I want my stress to come from real things, like how we’re going to get through the winter, not fake things like final exams. I want to grow and cook and smell and taste and eat good food. I want to share bounty with friends and neighbors and have parties all the time. Not the kind that most college students might think of, but the simple kind. I want to have bonfires under the stars and good company; evenings filled with plenty and nights full of laughter. I want to have an excuse to be outside everyday, rain or sleet or shine. I even want to bad stuff too.
I’ve learned that by now I should have a regular sleeping and eating pattern; in not I am only hurting myself. I’ve also learned that life is too short to miss opportunities to express yourself. Even if it’s not profound or meaningful, or even anywhere near what you where hoping to express, it’s very likely something that your little nerve cells didn’t want to carry anymore. (All those bits of information on an electron can get heavy after awhile)! Far too often, in my hyper-self-aware social state, I have missed these opportunities to be the ‘real’ me because I was trying too hard not to make a fool of myself; so much so in fact that I only looked all the more ridiculous. Sometimes though, I still like to keep my insights to myself since I like to share thoughts and want to leave room for other people’s expressions too.